The other-half had told me he’d fix things. And he tried to fix things.
Five years into our relationship, I sat across from his mother for the first time, talking to her about my family and my plans..
“Are you intending to be the wife of my son?”
She bluntly questioned, in broken English..
If she’d asked me over a month ago, I’d have smiled and said I hoped so.
But I stuttered and blushed at the question I couldn’t answer. The truth was, I didn’t have any intentions. I, the usually obsessive forward-planner, was stumbling along – work and wine evaporating any previous ability to think ahead.
My intentions were to get out of bed the next morning, and that was as far as I could think, let alone plan.
“We have… discussed it.. “
- was all I could manage, and it seemed good enough for her. She spoke about weddings, and how hard this all was for her, how I had to change.. How I had to be sure I could be a good wife before I ruined all the dreams she had of her son’s wedding.
I smiled and nodded at her, listening without hearing one word she spoke.
“In my world and in my cultures, I am his mother and he takes care of her first..”
I glanced at the Other-Half, and he looked away in shame as we heard his mother sum up everything in one beautifully broken sentence.
In my world, that notion just wasn’t good enough. And until the Other-Half realised that, he wasn’t good enough either.
BB, you know I love you, but you gotta brush this shit off and move on. You deserve someone that can stand up to his Mommy and be a man.
hi… i chanced upon your blog by accident, and i’ve been hooked ever since. i may be only 19, but trust me when i say i can almost understand what you’re going through. i am in love with a man whose mom vehemently opposes the relationship. and she’s succeeding in driving us apart, even though our feelings for each other are not fading. i don’t know how you’re dealing with it, but i’m being suffocated by the pain and the numbness of the inevitability. but anyhow i wish you the best. do try to understand the Other Half, because sometimes family commitment can override love.
:) hang in there.
I know Hayls :) *hugs*
Hi twilight – I know how you feel.. I felt just as suffocated for years. Even when things were going well between the other-half and I, there was always this dark cloud hanging over our relationship. Everything came back to the same argument – over his mother.
All I can say is that no matter how hard his mother opposes your relationship – if your relationship is strong enough, it will last. If it isn’t – it will fall apart in the end. For the moment, enjoy each other and don’t dwell on what his mother thinks about the relationship. Breaking up isn’t inevitable, but if you focus on negativity, he will associate that with you, and in the end – side with his mother who “only wants what’s best for him”.
Focus on the positive things in your relationship, and don’t argue about his mom. I made that mistake, and you just end up becoming the enemy.
Good luck :) I know it’s hard, but if it’s worth all the struggling you’ll last. And if not, you had a lucky escape from a man who held you as second-best.