It’s been said that I’m a little slow sometimes.  I don’t contest that, infact I wholeheartedly agree that things dawn on me long after everyone else has worked it out.

But my beloved Eileen Dover has fallen off the face of the internet!  I’m frankly distraught by this.

More so, because in the place of Eileen, is the photo of a drag-queen whose makeup has clearly been applied by a shovel.

Cruella on Crack.

Sad times..

Come (on) back Eileen!  I miss your sparsely made-up face and filthy mind.

Have The T-Shirt’s recent post has inspired me!  With the dismal cloud of Christmas looming over us, I’m going to follow in her footsteps, and make a list for Santa!

This isn’t a list of presents I’m going to buy other people, nor is it a list of presents I’d like.  It’s a list of (mostly unrealistic!! things I would love to have for Christmas (if I had a magic lamp, and a totally hot genie)..

- I’d like a dressing room.  Yes, an actual room.  A whole, enormous room dedicated mostly to shoes.

- I’d like a disgustingly enviable collection of shoes, of which at least 60% should be made by Jimmy Choo or Gina.

- Obviously, I’d need a bigger house in which to accommodate my enormous shoe collection.

- I’d like two Shar Pei puppies, who would absolutely, definitely, not eat/bite/annoy my little bundle of fluff (that would be my erm, cat.)

- It would be wonderful to not be allergic to my little bundle of fluff, whom I love dearly, but brings me out in a bugger of a rash.

- I want an extra button in my car, which, when pressed – emits a deafening voice that says “Stop driving up my ass, you incompetent dickhead.”

- Oh, and another button which (somehow) bitch-slaps any incompetent dickheads (particularly those driving 4×4s, who seem to think they can railroad my car off the frigging road..)

- Screw it, I’d like a super fast, super speedy, kick-ass, midlife-crisis car.  I don’t know what kind…  A sexy, dirty-hot one! :)

- I’d like to actually want to give up smoking, let alone have the willpower to do it.

- I’d like to just be qualified to teach, now, without having to actually train to do it (obviously all the knowledge would be stored somewhere in my brain, without me having to learn it).

- I don’t ever want to see a child suffer.  I want all the children I teach to come to school in warm, clean clothes, after a good nights sleep and a proper breakfast. I want to see parents who actually give a shit.

- I want my own childcare business, with wonderful staff, and plenty of money behind it.

- And a great big stack of cash.

- I’d like the finances, and the guts, to travel the world.

- I’d like to put my old boss out of business, and be able to laugh a great big “fuck you, lady.” right in her face. :X (Yes, I realise that makes me a massive bitch, but she totally deserves it.)

- I’d like my best friend to just not make a massive mistake, and to either get married and have it work out, or not get married and be ok with that.  Either way would be quite satisfactory, thank you!  Oh, and if he has to get married, could I please not look like a total dickhead in my bridesmaid dress? Pleeeease?

- I’d like the prospective-mother-in-law to not be such a racist assbag.  Or, if that’s slightly impossible, to just come with a mute button, so I can stop her mouth making so much pointless noise all the time.

- I’d like to have a steamy, kinky threesome with Alan Rickman and Mel Gibson (I’m aware he’s an ass, but my God, I would totally violate that man).

- I want to no longer be reliant on medication, for anything at all – to be healthy, without help.

- I want to live in France, with a vineyard at the end of my garden, and a filthy-hot gardener with a tight little bum and some polished abs, to erm.. garden?

- I want a baby.  And for the other-half to actually want a baby. Now. Or at least in the next year or so..

- I would love multiple orgasms. On a daily, is not half-daily basis.

- I’d like someone to say ‘Thank you’ for working so hard to make a difference to childrens lives.

- I want gambling to just disappear completely.  It ruins too many lives.

- I want an apology from a whole host of people, and forgiveness from a whole host more.

- I want fifteen minutes with my Granddad, to tell him how much I love him, and to ask him if he thinks I’m doing the right thing.

- I want a Happy Christmas, this year, just once.  No tears, no arguments, no stress, no fuss.

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
- Burton Hillis.

- Oh, and I want a totally hot, six foot tall Santa to appear on my doorsteps on Christmas Eve, so I can sit on his lap and tell him what I really want for Christmas. ;-)
(That’s such a sordid fantasy, I know, haha).

What’s on your list?

Visit Have The T-Shirt – you’ll love her as much as I do (I promise!).

I’ve been spending plenty of time (and money), over at shanalogic.com – where you can find an array of suprisingly cute indie stuff. From egg and toast earrings, to knickers with skulls on! Hurray!

Uber Cute!

It could, quite easily, be love.

(My credit card is still cowering in a corner..)

Because, I’m head over heels in love.

“With another pair of shoes?!”

I hear you cry?

Well no, as it happens. I’m head over heels in love with a bag. A diaper bag to be exact.

Isn’t she beautiful?

I wish I could sew. Simply so I could make handmade bags out of beautiful fabrics all day long.. And then sell them on Etsy and become a handmade-bag-millionairess…

However, the harsh reality is that I can’t sew. I don’t even sew buttons on shirts. I don’t darn socks (does anyone?), I don’t sew hems. The Other-Half sews (much to my amusement. It’s incredibly sexist I know, but there’s something quite comical about a man sewing buttons on a shirt..)

Check out Craft Apple’s site, where, if you do sew, you will be able to feast your greedy little seamstress eyes on sewing patterns galore. If, like me, you’re not quite domesticated enough to know how to sew, then check out her blog and gawp at her magical creations.

And when her Etsy site is full of goodies once again, buy, buy, buy! I know that my tiny pay packet will be squandered on these wondrous pieces of arm candy.

We’ve all dated twats. Some of us have even loved, lived with them. Finally, a Bible for the subculture of women who put up with these incessant idiots, and somehow – still find the energy to love them.

When the other-half moved in, he bought me Zoe McCarthy’s book: My Boyfriend is a Twat: A Guide to Recognising, Dealing, and Living with an Utter Twat.

I’m sure he thought it was a hilarious gesture, subconsciously informing me to deal with the fact that he was a bit of a Twat, and to just consult The Book for advice. He had, however, practically lived with me for years before he ‘officially’ moved in. The only difference was all his shit suddenly took over my house, and I got a tiny bit of financial help towards bills. I didn’t need a book, I needed a babysitter.

The Book didn’t offer me any advice I hadn’t already figured out for myself, but it showed me how to find humour in the daily grind of living with, cleaning up after and managing a Twat. More importantly, it provided some hilarious bedtime reading, complete with quotes I could relay to my Very Own Twat, much to his disapproval.

Admittedly, it isn’t a book I’d have bought myself. It’s not quite the Tony Parsons-esque literary paintings that I usually read, filled with tear-jerking quotes that I remember word-for-word, years after reading them. But what it is, is a humorous and brutally honest book written by a woman who isn’t afraid to lay it all out on the table, and then courageously laugh about it all.

I knew from Zoe’s blog that the book would be funny, but it goes far beyond. It’s utterly hilarious, and for that – I recommend it to anyone, no matter what your tastes. It’s utterly inspiring to see a blogger get her own book published, and personally, I’m waiting (im)patiently for Eileen to pull her socks up and crank out some literary genius of her own for all us mere part-time bloggers to bask in.

I bagged myself one of the top spots for personal blogs on Fuel My Blog!

If you enjoy reading Scrapbooking With Words – please Fuel My Blog by clicking on the Fuel My Blog icon on the top right hand side of the blog (or click below)! You can vote as many times as you like (only once per day), and I highly recommend FMB for finding new blogs, if you’re looking for some new reading material! :)